Resume' of Relationship by the Rev. Peter Jenks

I tend to be rather liberal when thinking about the changes that need to be made in our society, institutions or my community.  And then I find myself rather conservative when the changes are being made and they affect me, my habits and my understandings. I find it challenging, yet rewarding, to be able to share what is important to me and those things I hold sacred. And yet, I can find myself seeing others, especially on television or the street corners, who share their beliefs, as being pushy or preachy. When we promote an event, it is important that every paper and bulletin board carry our information and that everyone should come and support it. And, yet, when we pass the overwhelmed bulletin boards or crowded papers with activities we can find ourselves feeling like everyone wants a piece of us. If we make it to even a few of these events or give to even a few of them, we feel it is impressive.

            Serving and living with the Holy Spirit doesn’t mean being one way or the other, but accepting who we are and the tensions pulling on us. It is easy for me to see ministry as what we can get done, not the time spent with each other. Resumes are often filled with accomplishments, not relationships. The mistakes I have made and the failures that haunt me have made more difference and opened me up to more compassion and forgiveness than all of my seeming successes.

            When I think about what God will want of me, there can be the tendency to imagine that it will be something extraordinary, something super saint-like. If I were to really follow the call of God, then I would give up all I have, go to a far off mission field, be something different than I am now; this is the train of thought that runs from some ‘ought to’, ‘should be’, ‘guilt-of-a-life’ track in my mind. But such thinking usually causes me to do nothing, but just wallow in guilt. Repentance does not mean simply doing the opposite of what one is currently doing. The change or continuation of growth and faithfulness often leads us to muster the courage to enter into the joy that can terrify us; to garner the strength to delve into a depth of ourselves, into dark and deep places that hold rare jewels; to finally embrace the blessing which has always been before us, but because of our limited thinking we have been too blind to see.

            We are called to the mission field, the fields upon which we stand. We are called to give up everything, everything and anything that we cling to in order to shield us from ourselves and the love others have for us and we for them. We imagine what is expected of us and what we need to accomplish, while God hopes for an embrace.  As we look ahead and see impossibilities, God is looking at us wishing we would look back and be able to see each other’s eyes.